f you have had to talk to me in the last couple of months, I apologize.
Because of a vocal cord problem, it’s been difficult for me to talk since early December.
At first, I rasped like Marlon Brando playing Vito Corleone in “The Godfather.” Lately, I’ve been squeaking. My voice hasn’t been this high-pitched since before I reached puberty.
“You sound like a girl,” a former newspaper colleague told me. “But a sexy, come-hither girl.”
Newsrooms are overrun with comedians.
Since December, talking has been exhausting at times. It’s worse when I talk on the telephone. And I get a lot of phone calls at the office.
Some callers seem to think that they have reached the wrong person.
“Ma’am, I’m trying to reach Charles Corder,” one said.
Other callers are sympathetic and ask what caused the problem. Some have seemed disappointed by my usual answer of “I don’t know.”
And others keep saying, “What?” When I raise my voice to make myself understood, they become offended.
“Why are you yelling?” one asked. When I answered, she said, “What?”
This lady didn’t seem to detect the exasperation in my voice — my strained, weak, awful voice. I finally had to tell her that I was too tired to keep talking.
My problem began when I came down with a bad cold in early December. My physician’s diagnosis was laryngitis. “It’s viral, there’s nothing you can do about it,” I was told.
The problem persisted over the Christmas holidays. My oldest daughter, the opera singer, prescribed gargling several times a day with a singer’s remedy of salt, honey, cayenne pepper and warm water. That didn’t work.
My former wife, Anne, said it might be acid reflux and told me to take antacids. That didn’t work, either.
Both daughters said I needed to go on complete voice rest. In my job, that’s not practical. Besides, if I can’t talk, who will tell the people who call to ask, “Where’s my Saturday paper?” that the Commonwealth doesn’t print a Saturday edition.
In mid-January, I went to an ear, nose and throat specialist. His diagnosis was an injured left vocal cord. I was then sent for scans of my throat and chest.
After those scans didn’t show anything, I went back to the ENT earlier this month. Another examination showed that I had a paralyzed left vocal cord.
I was referred to a specialist in Jackson. That appointment was scheduled for mid-March.
The next day, I told Anne about the latest chapter in my voice saga.
“You’re going to wait another month to see the doctor?” she asked.
“They said that’s the earliest they can see me,” I said.
“What?” she said. “Let me see what I can do.”
An hour later, Anne called back and said that my appointment in Jackson was now scheduled for the next day.
Anne can be very persuasive.
A day later, I was in the doctor’s office in Jackson. He confirmed the diagnosis of a paralyzed vocal cord and said it had been caused by the viral infection that led to my cold.
The specialist said that none of the remedies I had tried up to that point would correct my problem.
If I did nothing, he said, my vocal cord would probably heal in four months. I told him that I didn’t think I could handle that, mentally, physically or professionally.
So I’m scheduled to have throat surgery next week. (Author’s note: The surgery and my description of it won’t be as cringe-inducing as the last time I wrote about surgery.)
My throat operation will be an outpatient procedure, but I will be put to sleep. The doctor will inject collagen into my left vocal cord. I’m always happy to be unconscious when a needle is being used on me.
Collagen is the main structural protein in the connective tissues of animals, including humans. Collagen is used in many medical treatments. One of the most common is in cosmetic surgery, where collagen is injected into the lips to make them appear plumper and more attractive. Does anybody remember actress Barbara Hershey and her fat lips?
Collagen won’t make my left vocal cord more beautiful, but it will make it plumper and move it closer to my working vocal cord. That should restore my voice while the paralyzed vocal cord heals — if it heals, the doctor said.
I’m trying to remain positive.
“You will probably be hoarse for a while after the surgery,” the specialist told me a couple of times.
After the last two strained, squeaky-voiced months, being hoarse will be an improvement.
• Contact Charles Corder at 581-7241 or ccorder@gwcommonwealth.com.
