We’re approaching the end of an era in my family. This Thanksgiving will probably be one of the last family holiday gatherings, at least as they have been practiced in recent years.
Next Thursday, I will join my sisters Pam and Patti; Pam’s husband, Marc; my youngest daughter, Emily; and her fiance, Andy, for Thanksgiving dinner (time TBA, but hopefully no later than 2 p.m.) at my late parents’ house in Madison County. Unfortunately, oldest daughter Amy won’t be there. It’s not really practical for her to make the trip home from San Francisco, where she’s going to graduate school. And she has to work, too. A person’s first holiday away from home can be tough sometimes.
We plan to have a similar gathering at Christmas. After that, things are likely to change. My parents’ house will have to be sold. (Anybody want to buy a house in Madison County?) And my sisters and I live in three different states. We won’t have a permanent central gathering place for the holidays anymore.
This has happened before in my family. I’m sure most of you have been through the same thing. It’s inevitable.
For as long as I can remember, my family usually spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter at the home of my mother’s parents in Carroll County. Going to the DeLoach farm always meant a house full of people (most talking loudly), play time with the cousins and lots of good food.
“You didn’t eat anything,” my grandmother would say at every meal. “You need to eat some more.”
Grandmama was either being polite or her eyesight was failing. Anyone could see that many of those present, myself included, had already eaten way too much multiple times.
I never did graduate to eating at the “head table,” as my father called it. That’s where the adults ate. Well into my 20s, I was still eating in the living room with the rest of the “kids.” Which was good, because that’s where the television was located.
After my mom’s parents died, those gatherings ended. However. the DeLoach clan still assembles here in Greenwood every Easter. It’s still noisy, and I still always eat too much.
In most of the years since my daughters were born, Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings were held at my parents’ home. Amy and Emily never had to compete with cousins for their grandparents’ attention as they were their only grandchildren. This really paid off at Christmas.
Unfortunately, depression and stress are frequent holiday guests for many people. The causes range from sadness over loved ones who have died or others who can’t be home for the holidays. Sometimes people are depressed about who will be present for the holidays, too.
People also become anxious because they worry their holiday celebration won’t be good enough.
“I think a lot of people would say that the holidays are the worst time of the year,” Dr. Ken Duckworth, medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, told WebMD. “They’re just straight up miserable, and that’s not only for people with clinical depression.
“The holidays can make some people dwell on their imperfections, their mistakes, the things they’re not proud of. This is not an easy time of year for a lot of people.”
There were times when I was depressed because I was living out of state and wasn’t able to make it home for the holidays. Almost as bad was when I had to work on a holiday and had to miss or cut short the family celebration. Those times made the years when I could be at home that much sweeter.
After my mother died in late 2010, I was determined that her loss wouldn’t ruin my 2011 holidays. Yes, her absence was felt deeply. But I tried to use the holidays to remember and celebrate all of the good times we spent together as a family.
I’m planning to do the same thing during this holiday season, which will be my first without both of my parents.
“Life goes on,” they would say, and so do the holidays.
Change is the one constant in life. Future Corder family holiday celebrations will be different, but I’m confident they will be just as joyous.
• Contact Charles Corder at 581-7241 or ccorder@gwcommonwealth.com.
