Last week, someone asked me what I was most looking forward to this Christmas. My answer: “Dec. 26, so I don’t have to listen to Christmas music anymore.”
I appreciate the spiritual aspect of Christmas, and I think this season brings out the best in many people, at least outside of shopping malls. This attitude of concern for our fellow man and giving to others should be practiced every day of the year, not just in late December.
I’m less enthralled by some of what surrounds our American (that is, commercial) celebration of Christmas.
If that makes me Scrooge, as in Ebenezer Scrooge, the main character in Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” then so be it. And I have been called a Scrooge on occasion. But what do my relatives and friends know?
The holiday music is the most annoying part of the Christmas conspiracy to take over the rest of the year. A Jackson radio station you can hear up here has started playing Christmas music 24/7 in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
I think the station used to start this around Thanksgiving. This year, the station began playing Christmas music on Nov. 1. That’s right, the day after Halloween.
The only reason this station is still on the presets on my car radio is because it carries the New Orleans Saints radio broadcasts. However, the Saints haven’t often been worth listening to in recent years, so it might be time to update my presets.
Playing Christmas music for almost two months isn’t that awful, in and of itself. The problem is that there are so many terrible Christmas songs. And the worst ones are played the most .
The classics, such as Gene Autry’s “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” or Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” never seem to get old.
Unfortunately, drek like “Last Christmas” by Wham! is in heavy rotation. This year, I’ve been forced to endure both the original 1984 version and Carly Rae Jepson’s 2015 cover.
Some say, “But ‘Last Christmas’ is a classic. It’s been around for a long time.”
By that logic, small pox is a classic disease. It’s been around a long time, too.
The winners among modern Christmas songs are few. “Father Christmas” by the Kinks, John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over),” Chuck Berry’s “Run Rudolph Run,” Elton John’s “Step Into Christmas” and Rick Moranis’ and Dave Thomas’ cover of “The 12 Days of Christmas” are among the songs that bring joy to my Christmas season.
Instead, I’m subjected to repeated airings of songs like Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” I will give Carey, whose voice stops dogs in their tracks, credit for writing her own song.
Most of the holiday tunes I hear on the radio are bad originals or covers of Christmas tunes that make me start hating the originals or of songs I didn’t like to begin with.
I don’t want to hear “Santa Baby,” “The Christmas Shoes,” “Wonderful Christmastime,” “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas),” “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” “Funky, Funky Xmas,” “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,”
“Nuttin’ for Christmas,” “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late),” “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” or “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth.”
The same goes for any hip hop or country Christmas song. I’m still waiting to hear a good one.
It could be worse. At least I don’t hear Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” very often now.
But I can hear some of you saying that it’s not right to hate anything about Christmas, especially the music it inspires.
Humbug.
• Contact Charles Corder at 581-7241 or ccorder@gwcommonwealth.com.
Editor’s note: Please forgive Mr. Corder. His curmudgeonly side just expands this time of year. Might having something to do with reading and laying out all those letters to Santa in today’s newspaper. But anyone who doesn’t like “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” has something seriously wrong with him.
