JACKSON — I know many are going to chuckle at my being impressed with being married for 25 years. For them, that’s not even halfway there.
But for me it’s a big deal. I can hardly believe it. To say that I’m not the easiest person to live with would be a huge understatement.
The key is to choose wisely. It’s not about finding the perfect wife. It’s about finding that person who is perfect for you. I really do believe that God picked Ginny out for me a long, long time ago.
Never one to leave God alone to work his wonders (unlike Ginny), I insisted we do a compatibility test when things started getting serious. As I recall, we used Dr. James Baugh, who still practices in Flowood.
There were four main parts of the test, and we passed with flying colors on three. I was a 10 on neediness. She was a 10 on giving. She was a five in neediness. I was a five in giving.
We were both very playful, outgoing and like to be active and social. That was a great fit. And so on. Dr. Baugh said it was one of the most compatible tests he had ever seen (but he probably says that to all the couples).
But we failed the “stress factor” miserably. I was a 10, and Ginny was a one. I will trash the moment to achieve the goal. For Ginny, it’s all about the moment.
As they say, opposites attract, and I think one of my attractions to Ginny is her ability to live entirely in the moment. When it’s on, it’s mesmerizing and enchanting. Our son Lawrence is the same way.
Me, I’m all about the goal, accomplishing the objective.
Being young and in love, I dismissed this incompatibility as a minor factor, but when it came to raising children, it was a big problem. I was strict. She was lenient. I put the kids in jail. She let them out.
Lots of fights over that. But we got through it, and now the children are raised. We all truly love each other, and we’re all believers. Without Ginny, I might have burned some bridges and regretted it the rest of my life.
Truth be told, I would have married Ginny no matter what the compatibility test showed because I was in love, or shall I say lust. Ginny was and is gorgeous, sweet and sexy, and that has proven to be a power impossible to resist to this day. Physical compatibility is very important. Respect the pheromones.
I remember during our courtship, I took Ginny to New Orleans. To pass time, we went shopping at one of her favorite boutiques. “Buy anything you want,” I proclaimed with confidence.
If you know Ginny, you know that you could take the price tag off of every item in the store and she would pick out the most expensive item every time. She has excellent taste.
Indeed, the dress she picked out did not have a price tag. No matter, I said with hubris.
When the sales lady offered me a glass of wine prior to checking out, I should have known I was in trouble.
I wanted to throw up, but it was too late. There was no way to back out at that point. The dress was beautiful. She still wears it to this day.
I could tell thousands of stories about Ginny and me. That’s what makes a marriage last. Common experiences, common struggles, common laughs. It’s irreplaceable.
I come from a very talkative, high-energy family. I’ll never forget meeting my brother-in-law, Terrell Knight, and his wife, Donna, at the restaurant Bravo for the first time.
My fears of keeping up the conversation soon vanished. I think it took 30 minutes before I could get a word in edgewise. I knew right then this would work.
Then we went down to get the blessing of Lucile Knight, the matriarch, who was approaching 90.
I could see a whole other side to Ginny through her grandmother. I saw a person who was tough as nails, who called it as she saw it, no holds barred. I saw the kind of resolute determination that could survive the toughest battles life could throw at you. More confirmation.
Of course, I didn’t realize the Knights were related to Newt Knight, who founded the Free State of Jones. These people are so tough they’ll found their own country before giving in. When the marital battles got serious, I ultimately realized I was out of my league, so I simply surrendered.
But of it all, the most important reason our marriage survived is Ginny’s insistence that we be a church-going family that believes in God. I can’t imagine any marriage surviving without the power of the Holy Spirit. I am forever grateful to Ginny for showing me the way. Sure, I was a believer, sort of, but belief must be bolstered by the presence of other Christians in your life. Only by regularly going to church for years will you finally realize that the little 90-year-old blue-haired lady is smarter, tougher, wiser and better than you could ever be. Without that humility that comes from grace, you will never get to where you want to go, much less stay happily married for 25 years.
A great marriage is two sinners refusing to give up on one another.
It’s never easy. Nothing worth having is ever easy. Life is designed that way. Don’t fight it. I have learned so much from Ginny.
There are no guarantees in life, but God willing, maybe one day I will write a column about our 50th wedding anniversary.
