“All that live must die, passing through nature to eternity.” - William Shakespeare
Whether expected or sudden, natural or tragic, there are few moments in life when everything feels as out of control as when a loved one dies.
Although life and death are all part of the cycle, dealing with death is a situation you are never truly prepared for because it is different with the loss of each person in your life.
Depending on the cause of death, how well you know the person and his or her impact on your day-to-day life, emotions can vary drastically.
Sometimes the end can be a relief when the person is suffering in the last few months or weeks of life, such as Robert Smith’s mother.
“She died of cancer in May,” Smith said. “She had beat it once, but it came back and got into her stomach.”
Smith and his family members visit her at the graveyard on Highway 82. They have decorated it with flowers, a small Christmas tree and even wind chimes.
“It is always sad to lose someone you love,” Smith said. “But she lived a good life and is no longer in pain.”
It is when life seems cut short that death can be the hardest to face. For a parent to lose a child can be almost unbearable, but it is a reality for people throughout the world including in Leflore and Carroll counties.
“When I lost my son, it was like losing a limb,” said Sandra Duvall of Carrollton, whose son died in a car accident in 2004. “A part of me was gone forever.”
In the days and months to follow, Duvall said, she had days when she felt like she was losing her mind trying to cope with the loss.
Instead of living in the shadow of loneliness like many people who lose someone very close to them, she stepped out into a neighboring community to seek support.
Dealing with loss
“Every person deals differently, “ said Charles Peel, manager at Wilson and Knight Funeral Home in Greenwood. “Personally and in my career, I believe you have to really be tuned into what each person needs.”
In the midst of sadness and maybe even stress of finalizing funeral plans, you may not even know what you need - but remember to keep living your life.
It is understandable to need some time alone to process your thoughts but it doesn’t have to be a lonely time. Leaning on family and friends can help, because they are on this journey with you.
Smith found strength in his family and friends, who surrounded him after his mother’s death.
If you feel like you are burdening your friends and family with your emotions, you can chose to see a grief, counselor who can talk you through these feelings or seek a support group.
Duvall felt she was better suited to find a group of people who were going through or had gone through similar loss because they understood her feelings.
“When you are in a group, there is maybe somebody else who is further along in the grieving process than you that can help get you through it,” Duvall said.
Still, grieving takes time. Duvall didn’t start attending a support group until more than eight months after her son’s death.
“It saved my life,” Duvall said. “I would recommend it to anyone.”
Other factors that may help resolve grief from WebMD:
- Allowing time to experience thoughts and feelings openly to self.
- Expressing feelings openly or writing journal entries about them.
- Remembering that crying can provide a release.
- Confiding in a trusted person about the loss.
- Acknowledging and accepting both positive and negative feelings.
Reaching out
Duvall was strengthened by her network of supporters through the GriefShare ministry in Kosciusko and was empowered to help others in her own community who have faced similar tragedy.
“God put it on my heart to help others,” Duvall said. “When you reach out to people, it really helps you too.”
She started the 13-week nondenominational program in Carrollton that features biblical teachings on grief and recovery topics through videos and small group discussions.
“It doesn’t take the pain away, but it brings together a network of people who are on the same path,” Duvall said. “It has been a great help to the people in my community.”
Kim Pillow and Lanie Sturdivant saw a need within the Greenwood community for a GriefShare program.
“They had a group in Carrollton, and we had several people from Greenwood going there, so we looked into starting our own,” Sturdivant said. “Sandra was instrumental in helping us get the ball rolling for this program.”
Some of the volunteers who will be leading the different discussion groups have participated in this program in other areas.
“It made me realize the feeling that I was having others were having too and not judging me,” said Amy Smitherman.
Anyone who is grieving for a lost a loved one is encouraged to attend.
The group starts this at 6:30 p.m. this Tuesday at Westminster Presbyterian Church and will meet on Tuesdays - except March 16 - until April 27.
Child care will be provided. The only cost is $15 for the book but scholarship assistance will be available.
For more information, contact Kim Pillow at 455-6214 or Lanie Sturdivant at 455-9540.
