National Chili Day is Feb. 26. Oddly enough, October is actually National Chili Month.
There is a national chili cook-off held every year in Santa Fe, New Mexico. A friend sent me this story of one year’s fiasco.
Each year, three judges are chosen to judge and choose the best chili. The citizens take their contest quite seriously. One year a man named Frank was passing through when he stopped upon the crowd to observe what was happening to draw such a mob of people. As he arrived, he learned that one of the judges had taken ill and was unable to judge.
When asked to become the third judge, Frank was concerned as to how a man from Springfield, Illinois, would be qualified for such a job. The other two judges assured him that he would do a great job. He could have all the beer he wanted to drink, and he need not worry that the chili would be too spicy for a man unaccustomed to such a spicy dish.
Below are the scorecards from the event.
Mike’s Maniac Monster Chili
Judge No. 1: A little too heavy on the tomato. An amusing little kick.
Judge No. 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge No. 3 (Frank): WHOA! What is in this stuff? You could remove paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that is the worst one. These people are crazy!
El Rancho’s Afterburner Chili
Judge No. 1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge No. 2: Exciting barbecue flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge No. 3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw my face.
Alfredo’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge No. 1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge No. 2: Salty, good use of peppers.
Judge No. 3: EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.
Bubba’s Black Magic
Judge No. 1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge No. 2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge No. 3: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? I think I am eating nuclear waste.
Lisa’s Legal Lip Remover
Judge No. 1: Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge No. 2: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge No. 3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. The contestant seemed offended when I told her I thought her chili had given me brain damage. The barmaid saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring the beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Varga’s Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge No. 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge No. 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onion and garlic. Superb.
Judge No. 3: I can’t feel my lips anymore.
Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge No. 1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge No. 2: Ho hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note that I am worried about Judge No. 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.)
Judge No. 3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid out of my mouth. At least during the autopsy, they will know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It is just too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Big Tom’s Toenail Curling Chili
Judge No. 1: The perfect ending; this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge No. 2: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge No. 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the pot of chili down on himself. Not sure if he is going to make it. Poor feller. Wonder how he would have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge No. 3: No report.
Hope you enjoy this week’s chili recipes. They are quick and easy when using your Crock-Pot. Thanks for reading.
VEGETARIAN THREE BEAN CHILI
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 (15-ounce) can great northern beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15-ounce) can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (10-ounce) jar mild enchilada sauce
1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce
1 (4-ounce) can chopped green chiles
1 red bell pepper, seeded and cut into ½-inch pieces
1 chopped onion
2-3 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
½ teaspoon cumin
Combine all ingredients, and mix well. Cover, and cook in a slow cooker on low setting for 8 to 10 hours. Top with shredded cheddar cheese.
SLOW-COOKED CHILI
2 pounds ground beef, cooked and drained
2 (16-ounce) cans red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
2 (15-ounce) cans diced tomatoes
1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce
2 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon pepper
Combine all ingredients in slow cooker. Cook on low for 8 to 10 hours. Top with shredded cheddar cheese.
SPICY CHICKEN CHILI
2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 onions, chopped
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 small can tomato paste
1½ tablespoon chili powder
1½ teaspoon cumin
2 (32-ounce) containers chicken broth
2 (16-ounce) cans red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 (15-ounce) can whole-kernel yellow corn, drained
2 (15-ounce) cans diced tomatoes (use fire-roasted if you like it spicy)
1 (16-ounce) bag frozen black-eyed peas, thawed
1 (15-ounce) can pinto beans, rinsed and drained
Cut chicken into bite-size pieces, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat vegetable oil, and cook chicken until golden brown — about 10 minutes. Place chicken and all other ingredients into slow cooker, and cook on low for about 6 to 8 hours. Garnish with sour cream, chopped green onion and shredded cheddar cheese.
• Contact Lee Ann Flemming at lafkitchen@hughes.net.
