I don’t know why things are always funnier when they happen in church. I guess it is because you are supposed to be quiet and reverent.
When I was younger, my Mama sang in the choir and I can remember getting those “looks” if I was talking or being disruptive with my teen-age friends during the church service.
One of the funniest things that has ever happened took place on a night of our church revival several years ago. A church member came in after the service began and sat on the very back row. He had just had his gray hair dyed a very dark black, and it was quite obvious to everyone in the congregation what he had done.
After the initial shock had worn off and the sermon had begun, we heard a faint snore that eventually got louder and louder as time passed. There was no avoiding or ignoring it — there was an elephant in the room!! To those of us who were there that night, just the mention of it sends us into fits of hysteria.
Today I have some church bulletin bloopers that I have received from church members. I’m sure they gave a chuckle or two during the service.
nLadies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
nThe ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday.
nThis evening at 7 p.m., there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
nThe pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the church would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
nLow Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
nWeight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m.at the First Baptist Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
nThe Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
nThe Boy Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
nAt the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir.
n*Potluck Supper will be Sunday night at 6 p.m. Prayer and medication will follow.
Hope you all have a very happy Easter. Today’s recipes are for some new, delicious spring salads. Thanks for reading.
ITALIAN CHOPPED SALAD
3 cups torn Romaine lettuce
1 (15-ounce) can garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
1 (7-ounce) jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped (reserve juice)
1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
2 tomatoes, chopped
1 (3-ounce) can sliced ripe olives, drained
5 slices deli ham, chopped
5 slices hard salami, chopped
5 slices pepperoni, chopped
3 slices Swiss cheese, chopped
2 green onions, chopped
¼ cup olive oil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
½ teaspoon. salt
½ teaspoon. black pepper
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
In a large bowl, combine the first 11 ingredients. For dressing, in a small bowl, whisk the oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, and reserved artichoke marinade.
Pour over salad; toss to coat. Sprinkle with cheese. Top with sliced pepperoni and peppers.
A REALLY GOOD SALAD
¾ cup canola oil
¼ cup lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
2 bunches (1-pound. each) Romaine lettuce, torn
2 cups chopped tomatoes
1 cup (4-ounce) Swiss cheese
2/3 cup slivered almonds
½ cup grated Parmesan cheese
8 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
1 cup Caesar salad croutons
In a jar with a tight fitting lid, combine the oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper; cover and mix well. Chill.
In a large serving bowl, toss the lettuce, tomatoes, Swiss cheese, almonds, Parmesan and bacon. Shake dressing and pour over salad to toss. Add croutons and serve immediately.
• Contact Lee Ann Flemming at lafkitchen@hughes.net.
