Probably most of us have read the stats or heard a news segment about the effect of the pandemic on mental health. From the epidemic of anxiety disorders that our youth are experiencing to the increase in depression and anxiety worldwide, there seem to be no shortage of stories and statistics about how the pandemic has increased mental health issues.
But even if there’s a surge in people experiencing anxiety and depression, the number of cases is still a minority in comparison to the overall population.
Does that mean that the rest of us are all good?
One of the biggest things I’ve found in my work as a professional counselor is trying to describe the gray area between joyful living and depression. What do you say if you aren’t depressed, but you’re also not thriving?
Psychologist Adam Grant experienced this as he and his family lived through the COVID-19 pandemic, and he identified his experience as what he calls the middle ground between depression and motivation: languishing.
According to Grant, languishing is a feeling of emptiness and stagnation, often described with a simple, monosyllabic word: “Meh.” It’s not the low of depression, where you no longer have any hope that things will get better, but someone who is languishing still struggles with feeling aimless and joyless. Grant says that languishing isn’t the presence of mental illness, but instead is the absence of mental health.
I think that languishing is an experience that we can all relate to. We’ve all felt that stagnation or aimlessness where life doesn’t feel hopeless, but neither does it feel very purposeful. People who are languishing are more easily distracted and have trouble focusing.
Does that ever sound like you?
It’s even been found that the people who are most likely to experience depression in the next decade aren’t those who are currently depressed, but instead those who are currently languishing, as people will seek out treatment for depression but those who are languishing often don’t since things aren’t going as they could be.
So what can you do if you are languishing? Grant says that he uses the mnemonic “mastery, mindfulness, and mattering” as a guide to move out of languishing.
First, since languishing feels like stagnation, it’s important to begin seeking out mastery, which comes with a feeling of accomplishment. Mastery doesn’t mean that you need to go become fluent in Chinese or learn how to play Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 9.” Instead, mastery is working toward a goal and noticing yourself improving at the activity. You can work toward mastery by being in a play and memorizing your lines or signing up for a 5K and working toward a specific time to finish your race. Mastery doesn’t mean you’re the world’s best at a particular activity; it just means you continue to pursue something that you enjoy doing and work on improving at it.
Next, Grant defines his version of mindfulness as a moment in which you are focusing all of your energy on a single task, so much so that you often lose track of time. When we find these activities that are so engrossing, we enter into what psychologists call “flow,” which has been found to be one of the best ways to combat depression. Grant notes that it is impossible to enter into flow if we are distracted, so put the cellphone down!
Finally, it’s important to find ways in which we feel like our work matters. In a study of college tuition fundraisers, Grant found one condition that almost tripled the amount of revenue they brought in: having them meet with a student whose scholarship had been funded by their work. We need purpose in our lives, so it’s important that we feel like the things we do matter.
If you feel like you’re languishing, look for ways to incorporate mastery, mindfulness and mattering into your life. And if you’re not sure where to start, find someone else who you think might also be languishing, and see what you can do to help them.
Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to help someone else.
- Mischa McCray is a licensed professional counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist. Send questions or topics you’d like him to discuss to mmccray@wpcgreenwood.org.
