Southerners have a way of speaking that many people can’t really understand. This is never more evident than when I visit my sister in San Francisco. It is not always the accent but the way we word things.
Today I have a spin on what we say in the South when certain situations occur.
- Anger: “She had a hissy fit.” If you add “with a tail on it,” it was really bad.”
- Bad character: “You are lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.”
- Busy: “I’m busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox.”
- Being broke: “I’m so broke I can’t pay attention.”
- Being cheap: “He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.”
- Conceit and vanity: “Well, ain’t she all gussied up!”
These always refer to women, apparently Southern men do not fall into this category.
- Confused: “She is as lost as last year’s Easter egg.”
- Dress not appropriate: “Those pants are so tight you can see her religion.”
“She is gonna have old and new monia dressed like that.”
- Dry weather: “It is so dry that the trees are bribing the dogs.”
- Happiness: “He’s as happy as if he had good sense.”
- Irritated: “She could make a preacher cuss.”
- Laziness: “He’s about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule.”
- Liars: “If his lips are moving, he’s lying.”
“That dog won’t hunt.”
- Stupid: “If they had an idea, it would die of loneliness.”
- “His brain rattles around like a BB in a boxcar.”
- Ugly: “He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
- Hungry: “My stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.”
- Weight: “She’s so skinny you can’t see her shadow.”
“If she were an inch taller, she’d be round.”
Some we just can’t do without:
- “I wouldn’t spit on her if she caught on fire.”
- “If you can’t run with the big dogs, then stay on the porch.”
- “In the South, we call sushi ‘bait.’”
- “He was as nervous as a long- tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”
- My all-time favorite: “Bless his/her heart.” You can say anything in the world you want to say about somebody as long as you end it with this phrase.
Today I have some easy ideas for your main dish — using a slow cooker and a whole chicken. I hope you will give them a try.
Thanks for reading!
EASY SLOW COOKER CHICKEN
1 whole chicken (4-6 pounds)
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon ground thyme
1 teaspoon ground white pepper
½ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon black pepper
Mix spices together in a small bowl; rub seasoning mixture over the entire chicken to evenly season. Put chicken in a large resealable plastic bag; refrigerate for 8 hours or overnight. Remove chicken from bag, place in slow cooker on low and cook for 6-8 hours, depending on the size of the chicken.
The chicken should no longer be pink near the bone, and juices should run clear.
GARLIC-ROSEMARY SLOW COOKER CHICKEN
1 (4-to-6-pound) whole roasting chicken
½ pound potatoes, peeled and
cubed
1 medium onion, chopped
6 cloves garlic, sliced lengthwise
2 tablespoons rosemary
Salt and pepper to taste
Place potatoes and onion in bottom of slow cooker.
Pat the outside of the chicken dry; slice deep garlic clove width slits into your chicken (four cuts on each side of the chicken and one on each drumstick). Stick a sliver of garlic in each cut. Place the remaining garlic into the cavity. Starting on the back of the chicken, season generously with about half of the rosemary, salt and pepper. Flip the chicken and place it breast side up on top of the potatoes and onions. Season this generously with the remaining rosemary, salt and pepper.
Cook on low for 8-10 hours or until cooked completely through. Serve with the potatoes and onions from the pot.
SLOW COOKER LEMON PEPPER CHICKEN
1 whole chicken
¼ cup softened butter
1 teaspoon lemon pepper seasoning
1 1-inch thick lemon slice
2 minced cloves of garlic
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons seasoned salt
1 teaspoon dried thyme
Pinch of black pepper
Pat chicken dry with paper towel, and use your fingers to loosen the skin over the breasts and thighs. Stir butter and lemon pepper in a small bowl and insert with your fingers beneath the loosened skin using a spoon. Place the lemon slice and garlic cloves into the chicken cavity. Place chicken in slow cooker. Rub with olive oil and sprinkle with seasoned salt, thyme and black pepper.
Cook on high for 3 hours, and reduce to low to cook for 3 more hours. You may also cook just on low for 6-8 hours.
- Contact Lee Ann Flemming at lafkitchen@hughes.net.
