McCOMB - I have almost gotten used to this 10-digit dialing for local telephone calls we have these days, but it's still frustrating when a recording tells me I got it wrong.
Apparently I'm not the only one that gets miffed at the telephone.
Steve Cox shared with me the following correspondence he sent to Bell South CEO Dwayne Ackerman, which echoes my sentiments exactly.
Dear Mr. Ackerman,
I am an architect in McComb, MS. Steve Cox is my name. I've been a BellSouth customer for as long as I've had a phone. I'm 55.
The other day, I was fussing to my friends about that annoying (ascending-3-tone) sound when you dial "1" and shouldn't; or when you don't dial "1" and should have.
Of course, my friends told me that I should learn how to dial a phone.
Well, I guess they're right. But sometimes I'm not sure if the prefix is a local call or a long distance call; or I'm distracted and dial the "1+" for a local call. You've probably never done anything as dumb as that, but sometimes I do.
And when I do misdial, that high-pitched "tone" pierces through whatever fog I am in and makes me wish that I didn't ever have to use a telephone again. And then "she" says "we're sorry, you blah blah blah idiot." I don't want your sympathy, just a little consideration.
Presumably, some computer somewhere initiates this nefarious "tone" and the subsequent message that tells me what an idiot I am! If the ethereal-telephone-computer (ETC) knows that I forgot to dial "1" or "0", what if it just gave me the option after I dialed the number to add the "1" or the "0"? For example the ever-sexy female voice could say something like, "Oh, you've had a long day and forgot the prefix when you dialed this number. Please dial a one or a zero now." Then, after I added the one or zero, it could put the call through, because, after all … ETC has all of the requisite information now and could surely manipulate the sequence of pulse tones to correct my error. Isn't that what computers do?
And, if I did dial a "1" or a "0" when it was not necessary, I would respectfully suggest that you just put the damned call through without first blowing out my ear drum and then making me redial the number I'm calling. I mean … OK, so I didn't need to dial the "1" … so ignore it if it's extraneous? How hard can that be?
You people just don't like us humans, do you?
Can't say I blame you. I don't much like the other humans either.
So, how hard can it be to make the phone experience just a little bit more pleasant even when we screw up? Just food for thought, Mr. Ackerman.
Thanks for listening.
On a somewhat related subject, retired airline pilot Ted Purtell showed me an article from an Airline Pilots Association publication commenting on the demise of the Western Union telegraph.
Actually, the article, by Dan Neil, was reprinted with permission from the Los Angeles Times.
The news that Western Union was stopping all telegram and commercial messaging services "traveled fast," according to Neil's article. The company posted it on its Web site.
"It's been clear since the 1950s that the telegram, that golden-sheaf harbinger of the fates, that shadow-boxed plot point in a hundred noir films, would be doomed by other faster forms of communication: the cheap long-distance telephone, fax, e-mail, and, lately thumb straining SMS text messaging," Neil wrote.
His article went on to recount some historical telegrams such as this one from an officer aboard the SS Carpathia: "Deeply regret advise your Titanic sunk this morning fifteenth after collision iceberg resulting serious loss life further particulars later."
Another telegram he cited pitted George Bernard Shaw against Winston Churchill. "Shaw to Churchill: 'Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend if you have any.' Churchill to Shaw: 'Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second if there is one.' "
As a novelty, a few boutique operations will still dispatch telegrams, which you can order online and have delivered by mail. But as a practical matter, they're long gone, displaced by faster technology.
But Neil makes a point in writing:
"For all their worldwide, instantaneous bandwidth, the one thing modern electronic communications systems don't offer is a sense of occasion, of consequence. One hundred e-mails per day does not equal better information. It's just a snowdrift of words to be shoveled off the walk. Telegrams were sparingly used and sparingly written, but every word counted."
