Why are things always funnier in church?

I remember as a child being in church while my mama was singing in the choir — a perfect place to watch the congregation. Any little thing that happened was uncontrollably funny, I guess because you weren’t supposed to laugh in church. I can still see the glare I would get from my mama if I was talking or laughing during the service.

One Sunday, I was sitting with a friend and we were playing tic-tac-toe on the back of the church bulletin. We were not really paying attention to the sermon, but we were not being disruptive either. We were using one of those old clear Bic pens with a cap to let you know what color the ink is inside. Well, my friend bit down way too hard on the pen, and blue ink went all over his face, and I lost it with laughter. I also lost the privilege of leaving my room that Sunday afternoon, too.

The absolute funniest was about 25 years ago, right here in our little Cruger Independent Methodist Church. We were having a revival, and a man who had been to our church showed up after a month or two of absence. Well, his hair was gray the last time we saw him, but now his hair was as black as any hair I have ever seen. It was quite a shock. He was a rather portly gentleman, so he sat alone on the back pew with his arms stretched out comfortably ready to enjoy the sermon. Not long after that, we heard a gentle sound of a slight snore, nothing too disturbing. However, it began to get louder and louder until I thought he was going to suck the pew cushions right up his nose.

We were all hysterical by this time. Nobody knew what to do, so one of the ushers stepped back and tapped him on the shoulder to awaken him. It didn’t work. The usher had to practically shake him and was telling him to wake up. To this day, all of the church members who were there will laugh out loud when we reminisce about that night.

Someone sent me some “Church Bulletin Bloopers” that have actually appeared in church bulletins. I would imagine a few chuckles ensued. Here are some of the bloopers:

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

• Ladies: Don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

• Scouts are saving aluminum can, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

• This evening at 7 p.m., there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and be prepared to sin.

• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

Hope you enjoy this week’s dip recipes. Thanks for reading.

CORN DIP

1 dry package ranch salad dressing mix

2 (11-ounce) cans Mexicorn, drained

½ cup mayonnaise

1 (8-ounce) container sour cream

2 (8-ounce) packages Colby and Monterey Jack cheese

Fritos or Tostitos Scoops

Mix the dressing mix, mayonnaise and sour cream. Add drained corn and cheese. Stir to mix. Refrigerate for several hours or overnight before serving.

BLT DIP

1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened

1 cup mayonnaise

1 (8-ounce) container sour cream

½ pound bacon, cooked and crumbled

2 cans petite diced tomatoes, drained

Mix cream cheese, mayonnaise and sour cream, chill. About an hour before serving add bacon. Just before serving, salt and pepper drained tomatoes and add. Serve with your favorite chips or crackers.

(This is an original recipe. I have modified the fried bacon to use the prepared packaged bacon. One to two packages according to your love of bacon!)

BUFFALO CHICKEN DIP

2 (10-ounce) cans chunk chicken, drained

2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened

1 cup ranch dressing

¾ cup buffalo wing sauce

1½ cups shredded cheddar cheese

Mix all ingredients until smooth. Transfer to a baking dish. Bake at 375 degrees or until hot and bubbly. Serve with tortilla chips or Scoops.

• Contact Lee Ann Flemming at lafkitchen@hughes.net.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.