Colorado resident Vince Rozmiarek is responsible for the Indian Hills Community Center in Indian Hills of Jefferson County. The census records this town’s population as 1,280, but the signs he posts up to three times a week are making this small town internationally famous.
For the past seven years, Rozmiarek has been volunteering at the community center. His first job was to build a sign for announcements, weddings and other notes of interest.
Two years after the sign was erected, he decided to post a joke as an April Fool’s Day prank. There was a popular speed trap in the nearby town of Morristown, so he placed letters reading “Indian Hills annexed by Morristown — SLOW DOWN.” He received several phone calls about the sign, including one from the police department. He assured everyone that it was a prank, and the sign would be taken down at the end of the day.
This began his tri-weekly messages on the board that people from miles around, as well as visitors passing through, could not wait to get a glimpse of. Some absolute favorites are as follows.
• “Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean that you are right.”
• “Cows have hooves because they are lactose.”
• “I prefer my kale with a silent ‘k.’”
• “My new stair lift is driving me up the wall.”
• “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.” (On Jan. 1)
• “Your debt will stay with you if you don’t budge it.”
• “I call my horse Mayo and sometimes Mayo neighs.”
• “Looking back, I really hurt my neck.”
• “The only thing Flat-Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.”
• “Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.”
• “If you are paying $5 for a bottle of smart water, it isn’t working!”
• “Three things that tell the truth: Children, drunk people, yoga pants.”
• “If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?”
• “Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but catscan.”
• “Corduroy pillows — they’re making headlines.”
• “I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.”
• “The weather is hot, I wish you were beer.”
• “Man assaults neighbor with milk and cheese — How dairy!”
• “Bad puns — That’s how eye roll!”
• “Irony — the opposite of wrinkly.”
• “Ban pre-grated cheese — Make American grate again!”
• “To the thief who stole my anti-depressants, I hope you’re happy!”
One sign was vandalized, and the letters were stolen by the owners of a vegan restaurant. They refused to return the letters. The sign had read, “Turning vegan would be a big missed steak.” Rozmiarek’s response was to post a picture of a cow with a knife to his head saying, “You have 24 hours to return the letters or the cow gets it.” The letters were eventually returned. Rozmiarek said, “It’s a labor of love, and I enjoy making people smile.”
I hope you will give this week’s recipes a try. Thanks for reading.
PIMIENTO CHEESE MUFFINS
1½ cups Bisquick
¾ cup buttermilk
1½ tablespoons sugar
1 cup prepared pimiento cheese
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray a mini muffin pan with cooking spray; set aside. Combine all ingredients and a little more buttermilk if necessary. Scoop a heaping tablespoonful into each well of the mini muffin pans. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes.
(This is the only time I would ever buy pimiento cheese!)
ROASTED CHICKEN AND POTATOES
2 pounds red potatoes, cut into 1-inch pieces
1 (9-ounce) package fresh spinach
1 large onion, cut into 1-inch pieces
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon pepper
6 chicken leg quarters
1 teaspoon paprika
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Place potatoes, spinach and onion in a greased shallow roasting pan. Add oil, garlic, ¾ teaspoon salt, thyme and ½ teaspoon pepper. Toss to combine. Arrange chicken over vegetables. Sprinkle with paprika and remaining salt and pepper. Roast in an upper rack for one hour or until chicken is done and potatoes are tender.
CRUNCHY PECAN PIE BITES
3 cups chopped pecans
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup dark corn syrup
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons melted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon salt
5 (2.1-ounce) packages frozen mini-phyllo pastry shells
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake pecans in a single layer on a shallow pan for about eight to 10 minutes or until toasted and fragrant. Stir together sugar, corn syrup, pecans, eggs and the next three ingredients. Spoon a heaping teaspoonful into each pastry shell, and place on baking sheets. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes or until set. Remove to wire racks to cool and store in an airtight container.
• Contact Lee Ann Flemming at firstname.lastname@example.org.