People often send me things that I think would make a good column. If it’s funny to me, I assume it will be funny to others. This week, I received one of those emails.
• I had my patience tested — I’m negative.
• I remember being able to get up without making sound effects — good times.
• If you answer the phone with “Hello, you’re on the air” most telemarketers will quickly hang up.
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
• Sixty might be the new 40, but 9 p.m. is the new midnight.
• I don’t mean to interrupt people; I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
• I run like the winded.
• When you ask me what I’m doing today and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I’m free. It means I am doing nothing.
• The older I get the earlier it gets late.
• That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.
• My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Don’t let a day go by without laughter. I hope you will give this week’s recipes a try. Thanks for reading.
THREE-CHEESE CHEESE BALL
1½ cups (6 ounces) shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened and divided in half
2 tablespoons diced green onions
2 tablespoons diced red bell pepper
1 garlic clove, minced
2 teaspoons white wine Worcestershire sauce
½ cup crumbled blue cheese
2 tablespoons milk
½ cup diced pecans
Beat cheddar cheese and half of the cream cheese until blended. Add green onions and next three ingredients. Chill for 30 minutes. Beat remaining half of the cream cheese, blue cheese and milk in a separate bowl until mixed. Shape the cheddar cheese mixture into an 8-inch log. Spread blue cheese mixture evenly on top and sides of log. Press pecans on top and sides of log. Chill several hours before serving with your choice of crackers.
ITALIAN PASTA SALAD FOR A CROWD
2½ pounds bow-tie pasta, cooked
2 (16-ounce) packages cheese-filled tri-color tortellini, cooked
1 cup pesto sauce
2 cups Italian olive salad
1 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons tarragon vinegar
2 cups walnuts, coarsely chopped
Grated Parmesan cheese
Combine hot cooked pastas in a large bowl. Add pesto sauce and next four ingredients, tossing well to coat. Toss in walnuts, and top with Parmesan cheese.
KEY LIME PIE
8 egg yolks
2 (14-ounce) cans sweetened condensed milk
7 ounces key lime juice
1 (9-inch) deep-dish graham cracker crust
Beat egg yolks until pale. Add condensed milk and key lime juice, and beat well. Let this mixture stand for five minutes before pouring into pie shell. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 30 minutes or until edges are set. Let cool on a wire rack, and refrigerate for at least two hours. Serve each slice with whipped cream and a red-stemmed cherry.
• Contact Lee Ann Flemming at email@example.com.