When we travel to the city of Jackson, I always pause when we leave the Lexington Square and pass a church on the outskirts of the town. I thoroughly enjoy reading the church’s marquee messages for the week. I don’t know who is responsible, but they never disappoint.
I ran across some other classic messages that I would like to share with you.
Remember that Proverbs 17:22 tells us “A merry heart doeth good like medicine.”
• Too Hot to Keep Changing Sign
Sin Bad Jesus Good
• Too Cold to Change Sign
• “Don’t Make Me Come Down There,” signed God
• How do we make the Holy water? We boil the hell out of it!
• “I hate this church,” signed Satan
• Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.
• Sin burns are protected by son screens.
• Forgive your enemies. It will mess with their heads.
• I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
• Whoever stole our AC units: Just keep them. It is hot where you are going.
• Morning Sermon: “Preparing for Marriage”
Evening Sermon: “A Look at Hell”
• Lent: Not just for the bellybutton.
• Be the kind of person your pet thinks you are.
• Do not criticize your wife’s judgment — look at who she married.
• Acting perfect in church is like dressing up for an X-ray.
• If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
• May all your troubles be as short as your New Year’s resolutions.
• What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roamin’ Catholic
• Our Sundays are better than Dairy Queen.
• Trust in God — but lock your car.
• If your life stinks, we have a pew for you.
I hope you will give this week’s recipes a try. Thanks for reading.
MUSHROOM RICE CASSEROLE
¼ cup butter
½ pound sliced fresh mushrooms
1½ cup rice, uncooked
3½ cup beef broth
2 tablespoons minced dried onion
1 (1-ounce) package au jus gravy mix
½ teaspoon oregano
Salt and pepper to taste
Melt butter in a large skillet. Add mushrooms and rice. Cook for five minutes until golden. Add remaining ingredients, and stir to combine. Bring to a boil, and reduce heat to low. Cover and cook for 20 minutes until all liquid is absorbed and rice is tender.
CORN AND PIMIENTO CHEESE DIP
2 (11-ounce) cans corn, drained
2 (4-ounce) jars diced pimiento, drained
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
½ teaspoon garlic salt
1 (8-ounce) container sour cream
1 cup mayonnaise
3 green onions, sliced
Mix all ingredients, and refrigerate until serving with your favorite chips and crackers.
PECAN RUM CAKE
1 package yellow cake mix
1 (3-ounce) package vanilla pudding mix
½ cup cold water
½ cup vegetable oil
½ cup rum
2 cups chopped pecans
In a large bowl, mix first six ingredients. Stir in chopped pecans. Pour into a greased and floured bundt cake pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes until toothpick comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes while preparing glaze.
1 stick butter
1 cup sugar
¼ cup water
½ cup rum
Pinch of flaked sea salt
Melt butter, and add sugar and water. Bring to a boil, and stir for five minutes until syrupy. Add rum and a pinch of salt. Invert cake onto serving dish, and poke holes in cake. Pour glaze over and cool cake completely.
• Contact Lee Ann Flemming at firstname.lastname@example.org.